Ahhh, it's finally quiet.
I am in the solitude of my bedroom, listening to our mothers give yet one more hour of service to my family by cleaning the kitchen after a lovely meal delivered by the Lowell family.
The sense of gratitude that Jimmy and I feel is crazy. It's the kind that makes you smile, shake your head, and wonder, "why are people being so unbelievably gracious to us?" Thank you for your continued calls, e-mails, cards, drop-bys, text messages, hospital visits, meals, flowers, and on and on and on. Most of all, thank you for your prayers. We are in awe of how our loved ones have rallied to lift us up and hold us close. We feel it. We feel as though we are resting on a cloud and each of your hands has joined the Lord's in keeping us afloat. We are full.
Our goal was to get our blog (
www.zacharyjamestate.blogspot.com) out to you to be able to give you continual updates. You are so deserving of knowing what is going on. In fact, we have sort of a day-by-day synopsis of our last 8 days to share with you at some point, but we haven't had the time to make it what we want. It is up with some pictures and we'll continue to update it. For now, I want to share with you where we are today and what tomorrow could bring.
Zachary (he's so totally cute) had a minor surgery last Friday that required him to go on a ventilator. The doctors wanted him to sail through the surgery without worrying about him breathing on his own. The intubation was very difficult. It took the anesthesiologist quite sometime to get the breathing tube in because of his anatomy, which is far more anterior than a "normal" patient.
When they went to remove the tube on Saturday, Zach had a hard time breathing on his own. After repeated attempts to get him to take his own breaths, they attempted to re-intubate him. Again, it was met with extreme difficulty, but they were finally successful in getting the tube back in him to assist him with his breathing. However, after experiencing 2 difficult intubations in less than 24 hours, the doctors believe he experienced a lot of swelling in his throat. So they started him on a steroid to reduce the swelling in hopes of removing the tube again, only this time with the outcome of him breathing on his own.
Tomorrow the doctors will remove his tube. Most signs suggest that he should be able to breathe on his own. However, there is a possibility that he may not...much like he did not on Saturday. Our hope is that the steroid provided the boost he'll need to breathe on his own. In the event he does, the next days will be spent rejoicing and considering our next steps. In the event he does not, we have decided not to interfere with God's plan for Zachary and will let his body take its natural course.
We've spent days thinking through this decision and have been graced by practitioners who share our spirit. They have advised and listened, encouraged and prayed. Zachary's condition is incompatible with life but his spirit is not and will continue to live on with us whether he leaves us now or in a few more precious days, weeks, or months. We know God chose the beginning and the end for Zachary and we have done our best to practice loving free will in-between. Now it is up to Zachary and our God.
As we mentioned when we first talked with you, we know that Zachary was hand-picked by God and sent to us. Our consistent prayer has been for Little Z's purpose to be ever-present. God has answered our prayer over and over again and we've started to document them. Jimmy has personally petitioned for Zach to be our family's guardian angel...no small feat.
We are cautiously hopeful that tomorrow's outcome allows us more time with our precious son. But we are also as prepared as we can be if it goes the other way. Please pray that Zachary feels no pain and only the presence of love.
When we left Zach tonight, we read Philippians 4: 4-7 to him: Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Jimmy and I are full of joy because we got to meet Zachary and that because of him, we are drawn closer to the Lord. See? Z-Man is making his purpose known.
Goodnight, all. Thank you.
Kristen & Jimmy
